In relationships there is the smart choice and the heart choice . . . what do you do if they are not aligned with the same person?

Note: The following is a guest post by author and radio host Jon Hansen

You have probably heard the saying that “the heart wants what it wants.”

While its origins have been attributed to everyone from Woody Allen in explaining (or perhaps) justifying his romantic involvement with Mia Farrow’s adopted daughter, to the Darren Hayes song of the same name, one thing is certain . . . love is indeed complicated.

The real question is simply this; when faced with choosing a partner, is the smart choice also the heart’s choice?  And if it isn’t what do you do?

I grew up in the 60’s when the axiom of the day was “if it feels good do it,” would tend to support going with what you feel as opposed to what makes the most sense.  A kind of “(If Loving You Is Wrong) I Don’t Want to Be Right” approach to romance, this would imply that passion is the ideal love scenario, while looking for stability in a relationship is somehow settling for second best.  You know . . . doing the smart or right thing even if your heart isn’t in it.  Like taking cod liver oil, it might be good for you but . . !

Of course my grandmother, who’s marriage to my grandfather in the old country was arranged by her father when she was just 16, would say later in life that before you have love you have to first have friendship, then mutual respect.  With such words of apparent wisdom, one might be inclined to think relationships are the product of a sequential logic as opposed to the raw and visceral experience of mere feelings.  But here’s the thing . . . my grandmother struggled with melancholy at different times throughout her life, and I often wondered what if any impact her arranged union with my grandfather had on her view of life.

Do not get me wrong, my grandfather was a kind man who was a good provider for his family.  A go to guy if you will, who was both strong and dependable.  But as far as I could tell, theirs was never a romance involving lovers, but instead a platonic arrangement that at best grew into a deep friendship.

So if you had to chose between passionate love based on attraction, and down to earth, day-in and day-out certainty in which the embers of romance burn lightly, what would you do?  Share your thoughts here in the comment section below and/or take the following poll;

Remember to tune in to Love Bites with Rhonda Ricardo every Sunday evening at 9:00 PM EST across the Blog Talk Radio Network.



4 thoughts on “In relationships there is the smart choice and the heart choice . . . what do you do if they are not aligned with the same person?

  1. I love this topic!! Today on my FB page people made amazing words out of combinations of inspiring words… so cool! I’m thinking Romantic-Stable-Passion… LOL!!! …wait… not like, in a stable…hahhaa!! ;D

    I do believe people are ready to get back to romance and passion in relationships, dating and marriages… but how to do that and be sensible?… Sensible-passion kind of sounds like Sensible-shoes… Ewww!! LOL!! I have soooo much New/Up-to-date (real-life so always amusing) research and can’t wait to Hear on the live show or Read comments here from our friends’ wise and many times fun input or stories too!! ;D

  2. Another interesting question would be what if anything can you do if you are either the Ms. or Mr. Reliable in the relationship . . . are you headed for heartache when emotional thrill overtakes practical selection?

  3. That is a Great question Jon! Because as we All know when people are in Dating-mode… men love the chase/hunt… if a woman falls in his lap and tries to stick herself to him like a refrigerator magnet… he’s probably is spotting the intriguing woman across the room with her beautiful back to him..hahha!!! And women like what they can’t have… if he kisses her she’s extremely happy but not long after she’s thinking “When is he going to kiss me again?!” now I’m generalizing (and I go into detail in my book) but when someone is Reliable in the Relationship… do we then become bored of them?…Or do we respect and cherish them because they are there for us?… What we say Out loud about how we feel/desire our partner… is not always what is in our heads… I know this because I get my interviews one-on-one and people tell me the secrets they want the relationship-world to Know… what is Really in their heads about love, passion, romance, happiness, and the kind of joy that keeps him or her coming Back for more… Forever!
    So the newly dating or newly married’s or people in relationship quicksand understand they can Have both Passion and be able to pay their bills! hahaha!!

    With that said… I would like to ask: After years of marriage… Does Mr. or Ms. Reliable stop feeling passionate toward the unreliable… the person they previously described as “Exciting” while they were dating? Is Unreliable synonymous with Mysterious in a relationship? Is there a way to stay passionate about a partner that keeps their “mystery”…forever and throughout the marriage? How does that work?

  4. Great comments and questions Rhonda . . . of course as someone who is still trying to figure out how to program their VCR . . . a Beta to boot . . . I have absolutely no idea as to what the possoble answer or answers would be.

    Maybe our blog’s readers and show listeners can weigh in with their thoughts to help shed some light on this . . .

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