Note: The following is a guest post by author and radio host Jon Hansen
You have probably heard the saying that “the heart wants what it wants.”
While its origins have been attributed to everyone from Woody Allen in explaining (or perhaps) justifying his romantic involvement with Mia Farrow’s adopted daughter, to the Darren Hayes song of the same name, one thing is certain . . . love is indeed complicated.
The real question is simply this; when faced with choosing a partner, is the smart choice also the heart’s choice? And if it isn’t what do you do?
I grew up in the 60’s when the axiom of the day was “if it feels good do it,” would tend to support going with what you feel as opposed to what makes the most sense. A kind of “(If Loving You Is Wrong) I Don’t Want to Be Right” approach to romance, this would imply that passion is the ideal love scenario, while looking for stability in a relationship is somehow settling for second best. You know . . . doing the smart or right thing even if your heart isn’t in it. Like taking cod liver oil, it might be good for you but . . !
Of course my grandmother, who’s marriage to my grandfather in the old country was arranged by her father when she was just 16, would say later in life that before you have love you have to first have friendship, then mutual respect. With such words of apparent wisdom, one might be inclined to think relationships are the product of a sequential logic as opposed to the raw and visceral experience of mere feelings. But here’s the thing . . . my grandmother struggled with melancholy at different times throughout her life, and I often wondered what if any impact her arranged union with my grandfather had on her view of life.
Do not get me wrong, my grandfather was a kind man who was a good provider for his family. A go to guy if you will, who was both strong and dependable. But as far as I could tell, theirs was never a romance involving lovers, but instead a platonic arrangement that at best grew into a deep friendship.
So if you had to chose between passionate love based on attraction, and down to earth, day-in and day-out certainty in which the embers of romance burn lightly, what would you do? Share your thoughts here in the comment section below and/or take the following poll;
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